In all my life, I never experienced anxiety.  I knew people who had it, touched it, felt it, but not me.  I didn't understand how it felt or why they couldn't shake it or what was going on in their bodies, that is, until I went through my divorce.

In the months leading up to us separating, I was panged with anxiety.  A 'perfect' life turned upside down, being pulled in opposite directions and my heart fighting with my head caused major anxiety to ensue.  I remember being in the shower trying to catch my breath and being unable to.  I finally understood what people meant when they said they suffered from anxiety.

The shortness of breath and jitter-like feelings came and went.  Some days I would be fine, other days it would come on suddenly like the snap of fingers.  It was incurable, and it simply had to be lived through. 

A few weeks ago, I was talking to my mom on the phone, all teary eyed and upset, I couldn't shake my anxiety over whatever emotions were passing through my body.  I confessed to her that I had never had anxiety before and she said up until the separation, my life had been a fairly flat line.  Not a flat line that was boring or unexciting, no no, there were many happy, exciting, wonderful times, but there were no real devastating times that crushed me to the core and shook me like my divorce has.  In a way, I should be so grateful to have experienced this wonderful life up until the ripe age of 27, but at the same time, facing anxiety has been, well, interesting, to say the least (and to put an optimistic spin on it).

And now, although much time has passed and I have moved forward and am in a pretty great place, the anxiety still rears its' ugly head every now and again and it's funny how not alone you really are.  A text from a good friend the other day sparked this post as she wrote to me, 'Do you ever get an insane amount of anxiety for no real reason at all?'  My answer? Yes (in big bold letters!).  On top of that, I had been feeling anxious all morning for no real reason. 

I know I have talked about feeling anxious over the Internet and Social Media, and maybe you can bundle them all together, but sometimes I feel they are so separate and the worry that overwhelms me is simply hard to get rid of.  When I can't sleep, I try to make small notes in my iPhone; this 1) ensures I don't forget things come morning, and 2) allows me to let go of the things on my mind so I can sleep.  These notes are silly little things as simply as, 'Pick up tissue paper at the Dollar Store.  Clean the zippers on my OTK boots so they don't stick over the summer months.  Return the F21 top that doesn't fit.' etc.  They seem to help. 

The most recent thing I have come up with to battle my anxiety is to relax my knees.  Okay, I know this sounds a little bit absurd, but if you suffer from anxiety, I urge you to try it.  You need to really focus on your knees to relax them and in turn your whole body kind of exhales.  Our bodies get so tense throughout the day, especially if you're anxious, so to take even 15 seconds to relax your knees, will at least offer 15 seconds of relief.  Try it, I dare you!

Have you ever experienced anxiety?  Known someone who has?  Do you get what I'm talking about?

Friday night Walmart shopping: testing out loungers
Shoes:  Nine West & DIY cap-toe flats

Piper & I at Fathers' Day Brunch
Outfit deets:  Pink Rose maxi dress, old Suzy Shier top cut up & made into a bandeau & Dollarama hoops