I know many of you are married, but many of you aren't, so I'm asking this question today.
It seems, as the years pass, more and more people are living together, having babies together, buying homes together, all without getting married. I know several people who will opt to have children before getting married and not because it was unplanned.
As most of you know, I was married (and now divorced) and it has changed my views a bit. I love the idea of marriage, and am a bit of a hopeless romantic, but the thought of making a committment like that again is honestly a little scary. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but knowing what I know now, I'm not so sure if I would go through with it again (watch me bite my tongue down the road!).
What about you, would you get married? If you are married, would you do it again? Feel free to comment anonymously.
14 comments
I'm about to get married (in 32 days!)for the first time at 34. I never thought I'd actually marry.
I was previously in a long term relationship where married was completely off the table. Once we split and I met my husband-to-be I realized marriage was something I wanted, especially because he was the "right" person.
But I don't believe in getting married for the sake of having a wedding or just because it seems like its time. Marriage isn't for everyone and that's ok.
I'm married and love it! I come from a split family, my mom & dad always told me never to get married after they spilt. My dad moved on and remarried, which changed his views on marriage. He's a much happier person now, than when he was married to my mom. Seeing marriage from both sides of the coin has made me realize that I want to be married and work at it!
@Blondie: 32 days!! How exciting! I think getting married in your 30's is a great thing.. probably better than in your 20's. Hope the day is amazing and many, many happy years ahead of you! :D
@Anon: that's so wonderful to hear! Thanks for sharing.
I got married last year for the first (and only) time at the age of 29. Prior to meeting my husband, I'd never dated anyone that I ever wanted to marry or thought I would marry one day down the road, and I was fine with that; happiness is what's important and a marriage does not necessarily equal happiness; you can certainly have a happy and successful long-term relationship without getting married. I still believe that 100%, but when I met my husband, my ambivalent attitude toward marriage changed.
I met him, and I was done.
His proposal was a surprise to me, and it was the happiest day of my life, next to our wedding day. Standing up in front of our family and friends and making that commitment to one another was such a special thing, and I have never been happier than I am now. It also feels different being married. I love referring to him as my husband and hearing him refer to me as his wife.
All of the above aside, I know couples who share children and who have been together for years and are happy, but who aren't married. It works for them. I believe in marriage, but I don't think you have to be married to have a successful relationship.
I also think that if you have problems before you get married, that you probably shouldn't. Some people think getting married will "fix" everything - it doesn't. Whatever problems you had before will still be there after you've said "I do."
I got married young-ish, and up until I met my husband (in college), I thought I'd be one of those people who got married for the first time in their 30s, or not at all.
I never imagined my "dream" wedding or had plans of buying a house with someone, having kids, or any of it. I figured I'd be a crazy cat lady for a looong time before I found someone to settle down with.
Then I met my husband and within a few months, I just knew he was the right person.
@Shannon: great points, I love that the proposal was one of the happiest days of your life. That's so sweet and makes me smile.
@AA: haha a crazy cat lady you are no more (or never were ;) Sounds like a wonderful marriage :)
I think it's great when couples are secure enough in their relationships that they don't feel pressure to get married. My best friend and her BF have a child together and never plan on marrying.
As for myself, I got married at 20 years old after knowing my husband for only 6 months. We got married at a courthouse and had only a few family members with us. I'll admit I didn't really know what I was doing...it was kind of a spur of the moment thing; blurred by the rose-tinted glasses of love (haha) - but luckily it worked out for us and we are celebrating ten years of marriage this year. <3
So basically, I totally believe in marriage, but you definitely do not have to be married to be in a committed relationship!
Whatever you do, PLEASE DO NOT rush into a second marriage. It seems like you might not have considered the seriousness of "marriage is for a lifetime" the first time around, and you really don't want to end up with a second failed marriage. If you're even entertaining this idea of marrying again, I would really hold off until you MORE than sure about it. If you think you've found another "THE One", then waiting a little bit longer to get married shouldn't be a problem. I feel bad seeing people jump into a second marriage when they never really figured out who they are as an individual or why their previous marriage failed.
To the last person who commented anonymously - how do you know that Amanda doesn't know who she is as an individual and who the hell are you to assume that she doesn't know why her previous marriage failed? It's not your place to make comments like that or to tell her to rush into things, and she doesn't need to hear advice from an anonymous stranger who knows nothing about her life. If you read her blog post properly, you'd know that she said, quite plainly, that she doesn't know if she'd get married again knowing what she knows now - doesn't that sound like someone who has learned from her previous experiences?
@Anon: As Katrina mentioned below, I believe you need to re-read my post as I never indicated I was considering marriage at this point in my life. Thanks for your concern. As far as who I am as an individual, that is a daily learning experience and as far as why my marriage failed, I've known why since it ended. Again, thanks though for your concern.
@Katrina: you are so kind. Thank you for leaving such a bold and sweet comment standing up for me. We need more people like you in the world :) Thanks for reading.
My husband got married to his first wife right out of college they divorced 2 years later. They were young and didn't really "know" each other. We married 10 years later and have been married for 13 years and two awesome kids later. We were best friends (still are) and continue to have such fun together and have been through it all. So yes I love being married. It's a lot of work but so worth it. Love your blog and your story and wish you much happiness!!
I am married now for the 2nd time and I think marriage is a personal choice for everyone, obviously. You both have to be on the same page and make sure it is the right thing to do for you both.
I was married at 22 years old (first time) and gave it a good almost 5 year go, and ultimately we didn't work together as a couple. Nothing hateful or awful, just different people wanting different things. We grew up and apart and I knew that at 27 years old, I did not want to live an unhappy life with him.
As I was going through my divorce at 27 years old, I knew NO ONE that had been through that and it was tough dealing with it all on my own. I flip-flopped for months and months and didn't know what to do. I wanted to be happy but thought happiness was selfish, since I would be making him so sad :( But, we worked through it together, amicably as possible and without children, were able to have a "clean break".
I then re-entered the dating world, without a clue what to do, but know what I wanted and did not want. Then Steve came along. He and I worked together and friends introduced us and we started dating a few months after. I had moved out on my own and we spent a lot of quality time together. It was nice. I was very happy for the first time in a long time.
18 months after our first real date, he surprised me and got down on one knee in Dominican and proposed. I HAD NOOO IDEA. NONE. AT ALL that was going to happen. It was a wonderful surprise. He was married before too at a young age to his higschool/university girlfriend and it lasted 2 years and she broke his heart to pieces (no kids either though). We both were unsure if we would marry again, and then once we met eachother that all changed. We talked about it maybe, one day, in the future...but never any talk about getting engaged, etc.
So, 2 summers ago (July 2011) he and I married. It was the best day of my life and he is my best bud, partner and support. I am happy to have explored it again.
I think it takes THE ONE to figure out your stance on marriage. Nothing is a for sure, nothing is guaranteed, but you have to follow your heart and do what is right for you, not anyone else. If I was going to do what everyone else thought I should, I wouldn't have started dating ANYONE for a year after my divorce and never would have found my happily ever after.
In the famous words of Justin Bieber, "Never say Never". HAHA! :)
i agree with the anon commnent above. I am divorced too and so many people rush into another relationship or marriage and never take the time to be single or focus on themselves for a while. NOT SAYING YOU HAVENT DONE THAT
but I thinks its also normal to never want to marry again after going thru a divorce. I would never marry someone if i wasnt 100% sure tho. I know a lot of poele say you will always be a litte nervous before tying the knot, or have some doubts... but for me after what ive been thru, if im not completely, utterlly, totally ready adn willing, i wont do it. Even if it was 10 mins before the ceremony i would run.
I'm not married and probably never will be. I don't need a piece of paper or a white gown. In all honesty making a life commitment like that scares me, and it's legally binding! yikes. As long as I am happy with who I'm wih, all is good! :)
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