Wednesday, September 5, 2012

What & What Not to Say to Someone Who is Sick

Today we are getting a little serious.

Many of us have suffered the loss of a loved one, or gotten the news that someone close to us has fallen ill.  I cam across an article that points out what you should and shouldn't say.  

Ultimately, the lies we tell to someone in hopes of comforting them as they are battling a disease, illness or worse.  In reality, these lies don't help, they hinder, so let's take a look at some great tips and things we can say to hopefully lift someone's spirits:

1. DON’T WRITE ME BACK. All patients get overwhelmed with the burden of keeping everyone informed, coddled and feeling appreciated. Social networking, while offering some relief, often increases the expectation of round-the-clock updates.  

To get around this problem, I appointed a “minister of information,” whose job it was to disseminate news, deflect queries and generally be polite when I didn’t have the energy or inclination to be. But you can do your part, too: If you do drop off a fruitcake or take the dog for a walk, insist the patient not write you a thank-you note. Chicken soup is not a wedding gift; it shouldn’t come with added stress. 

2. I SHOULD BE GOING NOW. You’ll never go wrong by uttering these five words while visiting someone who’s sick. As Ms. Pogrebin observes of such visits, don’t overstay your welcome. She recommends 20 minutes, even less if the patient is tired or in pain. And while you’re there, wash a few dishes or tidy up the room. And take out the trash when you leave.
3. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME GOSSIP? One surefire tip: a slight change of topic goes a long way. Patients are often sick of talking about their illness. We have to do that with our doctors, nurses and insurance henchmen. By all means, follow the lead of the individual, but sometimes ignoring the elephant in the room is just the right medicine. Even someone recovering from surgery has an opinion about the starlet’s affair, the underdog in the playoffs or the big election around the corner.
4. I LOVE YOU. When all else fails, simple, direct emotion is the most powerful gift you can give a loved one going through pain. It doesn’t need to be ornamented. It just needs to be real. “I’m sorry you have to go through this.” “I hate to see you suffer.” “You mean a lot to me.” The fact that so few of us do this makes it even more meaningful.



Miss Caitlin S. said...

very cute and such a random, interesting topic to go to. I, like many, feel the discomfort in these situations so I appreciate this! Love the 'gossip' one- I think taking their mind of their current situation for something lighthearted would be well received.

Veronika said...

thank you for posting this, a great reminder

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