This used to be a really difficult thing for me. To swallow my pride and apologize.
Yuck.
No thanks.
You be the bigger person.
Or, it's not my fault.
However, with some time and a lot of practice, it's become a bit easier. There are definitely times when I don't want to apologize, but ultimately, I try to approach situations being gentle and not getting my back up. I always tell myself to put my pride on the side and make the situation better. An apology goes a long way, and as the age old saying goes, 'Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?'
I thought I would bring back the Let's Chat again, it's been a while and it was always enjoyable reading your responses!
8 comments
I've missed these!!
My initial reaction is to get defensive, but I usually always stop and say "be the bigger person Renee and just suck it up". So although that means sometimes aplogizing for the wrong reasons, throughout the years that strategy has definitely helped me!
I always find myself apologizing for things I shouldn't even be apologizing for just to make relationships and the situation less awkward and tension filled. But at the end of the day I'm just annoyed and bottle it up. Lose, lose. I can admit when I'm wrong but....you're right it's hard to not get defensive, it's human nature.
I have no problem throwing out the stereotypical Canadian-sorry for things that make no sense to apologize for (ie. when someone bumps into ME etc.) BUT have trouble apologizing for the things that matter.
Stubborn to a fault, I don't usually notice that I should have offered up an "I'm sorry" until it is *almost* too late.
Working on it!
I used to be terrible. If I knew that I was wrong, I would go out of my way to avoid the person I had wronged.
Now that I am married, I value the ability to apologize and move on. No grudges and no long silent treatments.
Thanks for bringing back the LCW. Let's Chat Wednesday.
I agree with what the Ladies have said above. We all throw out the "Sorry's" like good Canadians, but when it is a situation where feelings are involved..... that's more difficult. I think apologizing is crucial for a successful marriage. But in other relationships I pick and choose my apologies. If I feel I want to be happy rather than right I will apologize. BUT if I feel strongly that I am in the right I will stand my ground. I may not get an apology but I don't feel like a doormat either. I don't believe in insincere apologies just for the sake of moving on. If that person I am in conflict with can't apologize when it is warranted, why would I want them in my life? This may sound harsh but it has actually served me well. I know who really cares about me and who doesn't. And then there's the rare occassion that I am actually wrong (LOL) and the apology is a no brainer.
It didn't save my response from last night I guess...
I have an AWFUL time apologizing, because I am stubborn to a fault and when I feel like I have been wronged, I will hold it until I die. Or at least a long time. I always wait to be apologized to, and then can quickly get over it and move on.
I am a work in progress on this.
I avoid confrontation like the plague and hate having to admit when I screwed up or was wrong. UGH! Even writing this out makes me question my own tactics..I don't know why I am like that.
I can easily throw out apologies to everyone else, including strangers, but not the ones I love the most. I think a lot of people have this same problem.
I can hold a grudge too - for a long time if the other person doesn't apologize. My whole life I have ALWAYS had to "be the bigger person" and I get hurt that way. Repeatedly. I can forgive but can't easily forget, especially when it is from family members that are supposed to have your back and support you.
Sometimes this has shown me who my true friends are (or close family members are) and have benefitted in a way that I didn't need such toxic people in my life to begin with. I have always been the one to make things better with friends and hold my tongue and now I value MYSELF much more to do so anymore.
But - admittedly, I have to work on my apologizing with my hubbs. I hate doing it. I will refuse and he is always so good about doing it first and fixing things. UGH! New Year's resolution for me.
Thanks for this Let's Chat, I missed it too!
S-Diddy
Did you know that the guy who wrote 5 love languages also does the apology languages? also important to understand.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/resource/the-five-languages-of-apology/
It would appear that based on the previous comments, I am in the minority. I apologize too much.
I can not stand tension so I apologize whether I am at fault or not. The detrimental portion of this is that if I apologize for something that is not my wrong doing, the reciprocal apology that I receive from the other party simply feels hollow and insincere. Yes, the tension is diffused but I leave the situation with other feelings - of hurt, of anger, of disrespect - firmly bottled up, with the lid boiled on as tight as a mason jar.
So I've come to realize that I need to treat each and all situations where an apology should be given on an individual basis. At times, I need to take the high road and be the bigger person whereas others, I need to walk away and let it all simmer until reflection is done by both parties involved; and in the meantime, I will hate the tension.
I guess we are all works in progress.
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